What NOT To Do In Bed: Guidelines for Men

Obviously, this list could go on forever.  Perhaps it will, in future posts.  But for now I’m just going to stick to the advanced basics – that is, these tips are for guys who are past the novelty of having sex in the first place and are now focusing on making sure that the sex is good for both participants.  If that sounds like you, keep these guidelines in mind and you may find yourself getting a lot more practice than you might have otherwise.  If these tips are obvious to you then you should probably contribute some tips of your own in the comments section – consider it your good deed for today.

Don’t go into “the zone.” What is “the zone?”  It’s where your mind goes when you’re being sexual all by yourself.  it’s the sexual equivalent of a dog kicking when you scratch his belly – he’s used to scratching his own belly, not having someone else do it.  Now, every person has a different version of this (some guys don’t do it at all).  Some men have a certain body or hand position, some guys just stare off into space.  The problem with this is that you’re not alone and when you go to the zone you’re no longer paying attention to your partner’s reactions.  This is sort of the men’s version of “don’t just lay there,” a reminder that your partner’s experience is just as important as your own.  In fact, it’s more important than yours if you’re hoping to have sex with her ever again.  So, be present until it really is your turn to just lie there and if you follow the next two rules you won’t have to wait long.

harder and faster isn’t necessarily better

Don’t change it if it’s working. If she seems to like what you’re doing, don’t assume that she’ll like it more if you do it faster or harder.  Of course, the key to this rule is going slow enough to tell how she is reacting to what you are doing.  If you go too fast from one thing to another like reading a bunch of random chapter headings rather than the whole book it will be hard to tell what parts of the book she likes.  But I digress… the point is, harder and faster isn’t necessarily better.  If she likes it, keep doing it and hopefully her reaction will tell you if you should try something different or continue with what you’re doing.

Learn how to give a great massage. I know, this isn’t a “don’t” but the truth is that if you follow this rule the list of “don’ts” is significantly shorter and that really is the goal, isn’t it?  Get a good natural massage oil that moisturizes and absorbs well into the skin – like coconut or grape seed oil – and start with wherever she’s the most tense.  By the way, this rule is also recommended for many non-sexual relationship situations.

Just remember to keep in mind that it’s not all about your penis.  Women can very easily go out and get one without a man attached, so if she’s in bed with you it means she’s hoping that you’ll bring something more to the table and not just the basic equipment.  Do yourself (and her) a favor, make it memorable by paying a little extra attention and you will reap the rewards.  But be careful – if you’re too good you may find yourself in a situation like this:

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